the adventures of Sarah and the lawnmower
Yesterday Jory was working late. He's been stressed out because of how busy he's been, and how he hasn't had time to mow his baby- I mean lawn. Sidenote: Jory is obsessed with his lawn. He has been known to wake up at 5:o0 in the A.M. to get a good "fertilizing" in before school started. Need I say more? He has to mow once a week, or the sight of our lawn makes him cringe.
So, being the kind wife I am. I decided I needed to kill a few hours. Why not mow the lawn and help out Jor's disgust with our jungle length grass? It's probably not that hard right? Wrongo. Well, wrongo for the "special" kind of person like me.
First of all. The last time I mowed a lawn was when I was young enough that my Dad had to start the lawn mower for me. I had all younger brothers and since the time they turned 9, it was designated a "boy job" in my house, my jobs then consisted of scrubbing toilets. I'm now pretty good it (cleaning toilets).
So, I checked the gas. Empty. I filled it, and when doing so, poured gas ALL over the lawnmower, not just the hole to pour the gas in. I called Jory to make sure I was okay to start the lawn mower after that, to make sure I wouldn't make the lawnmower explode or something when I started it, he didn't make fun of me at that moment but was probably thinking what ditz (how do you spell that?) of a wife he has. Then, in the privacy of my garage (I was concerned someone would see the retarded side of Sarah not being able to start the mower) I did a practice pull to start it. It was so loud. But, I did it! I took it out to the yard and started mowing.
The grass was SO long and the mower was set to a very low notch, me being the stubborn person that I am... didn't want to make my life easier by raising the mower a 1/2 inch. No, I left it short and had to dump the bag from all the long grass about every 3rd row. Smart Sarah.
After about 5 minutes my.arms.were.burning. I suddenly had a brand new view and sense of gratefullness for my brothers and husband for mowing the lawn their whole teenage and young adult lives. It was SO HARD. My back arms and legs ached and I was seriously wondering if I was going to be able to mow the whole thing. Jory can easily mow, edge, sweep and everything else you do to make a lawn look beautiful in one "session". I was debating my ability to just mow that awful lawn.
Now 50 minutes of mowing had gone by (Literally. We have a pretty big yard) I felt as if I was pushing that thing uphill both ways. Sweat everywhere, heart pounding, needed...water... I went inside and called Jory to vent to tell him that mowing 3/4 of the lawn was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I wasn't even done yet! Now came the laughs... "Sarah, it's REALLY not that hard. Are you pushing the lawn mower?" me: "How else do you mow a lawn, you push the lawn mower..."? And then. It dawned on me. I REALLY WAS PUSHING THE LAWN MOWER. There is a beautiful lever that basically makes the lawn drive on it's own, and all you have to do is steer it. And, yes, brilliant little me, wasn't holding down that lever.
I had pushed the lawnmower for 50 minutes.
So after a good laugh, I went out again to conquer that lawn. I pushed down that amazing lever and felt like I was running to keep up! It was so fast! It was amazing!
Probably 3 minutes into the new non vigorous mowing session, the lawn mower, made an awful noise, which yes, made me scream, and a big black rubber/plastic piece came flying out almost amputating my foot. Just kidding. But it was close. After gaining my composer, I started the lawn mower again, and it sounded like it was completely broken. Trying to not look like a complete GIRL I flipped over the lawn mower and tried to diagnose. What the heck is the bottom of a lawn mower supposed to look like ANYWAY?
I broke the lawn mower.
All I tried to do was help Jory out to mow that STUPID lawn. And all I ended up doing was putting myself through a lot of awkward painful moments, wasting a whole lot gas, and then, breaking Jory's favorite 300$ beautifying tool. I felt awful. I called Jory again, I think I was stressing him out so much with all my calls he decided to leave work early.
To end this story I actually didn't break the lawn mower. Thank goodness. But, I did finish mowing, all on my very own. Well. There was one moment, where a concerned neighbor (not joking) stopped to tell me some tips on mowing. Yeah, that made me feel really special.
But I finished it! I have never been so relieved.
Next story... I like to call it. "Bunny Love"
So. As you know, I have a small obsession with animals. Baby animals in particular, and you know what? I'm not going to let Jor get off the hook of this one. He has a small obsession too. That's right, I said it. And it's true, it's both of us.
So, we have two bunnies, a boy named Jack and a girl named Gretchen (as most of you know). What a perfect combination to make some little fuzzballs.
You would think it would be easy to make this little dream come true of getting our bunnies to have bunnies of their very own... but it has been a real pain in the tush. I hear of stories all the time of people whose rabbits couldn't stop reproducing. Our situation is quite the opposite.
So, one day, after much research. Me and Jor tried to let the rabbits attempt yet again, another.... trial of conception.
This time we... this is hard for me to explain and not sound like a completely... gross person? Well, we had to invade the poor buns' privacy because well, frankly, we needed to make sure "it" really happened. So, we watched. Yes, it was awkward and I wanted to give them their alone time... But, if they were to concieve?, then me and Jor needed to know the exact day, so when the 29th day of the gestational period came about we could put Gretchen's nesting box in her cage and she would prepare for the babies. (I wasn't lying when I said we do our research!) Timing is everything, you see.
So, it was cold outside, and not much action was happening, if you know what I mean. Me and Jory were tired and the ground was wet, so Jory got us some fold out chairs, a blanket and some water bottles. He knew it could be a long process!
So, as we are sitting there... a familiar face... Chad, a neighbor who every night walks his midget legged dog past our house, was turning the corner far off in the distance, on his way around our house. We should have known. At that moment I wanted to jump up out of my chair, sprint over to the OTHER side of the house and distract our funny friend from actually seeing what we were observing in the bunny hutch.
It was too late. Way too late. Me and Jory's hearts were pounding thinking how are we going to explain this one..
....in what seemed like slow motion, Chad and his dog cuts through our grass, and the first words that pop out of his mouth are... "I've GOT to see what you guys are looking at!!". And then he saw. And we didn't say anything. I'm sure our faces were red. I'm sure we looked really stupid. And I'm sue he thought for sure, that there was something definitely wrong with his neighbors.
He started laughing. We nervously started laughing. I then blurted out, "We just want baby bunnies!!"
Haha. He told us it wasn't the first time he's seen animals mate before so we shouldn't worry about it. But.. he did end with saying... "But i've never seen anyone watch so intensely before..."
Another embarrassing day at the Schmidt home. I'm starting to get pretty used to those.
