my toothless man

I posted a picture of Jory on facebook the other day and didn't really explain much about his tooth and why he... is missing one.

So here's the story.

Jory had something called internal resorption, where basically... the root of the tooth dies and parts of the tooth are absorbed into the root, or something. Eventually the tooth ends up falling out (which sadly didn't happen despite Jory and my friend Charisse's wishes) or it could cause damage and bone decay to surrounding bone to the tooth.

Meet tiny tooth.

 

I took a picture of this picture, kept it in my phone, and looked at it daily until Mr. Schmidt asked me out. I love this picture! 

Growing up, Jory always had the... theory? That he wouldn't get his tooth fixed until after he was married, "so I know my wife married me not ONLY for my looks" haha. But sly little me got him to get a temporary cover for our wedding- knowing he'd eventually get it fixed- I knew he would regret it if he didn't.

So recently, we decided to get it fixed. Finally. His tooth was starting to get sensitive and we were starting to worry about bone damage and the little guy just falling out randomly (which we still think would have been funny). 

So 1,000 dollars later (insurance won't cover because it's cosmetic-and that's the only reason we had it done, for cosmetic reasons, right? dumb.) -my love has a implant drilled into his bone, a silver (beautiful) abutment and a nice big gap in the front of his face. 

But he's still adorable and I tell him it really doesn't bother me. 

But maybe it does? In the rush of getting to the hospital at 3:00 am last week Jory forgot his flipper (his tooth stuck to a fleshy colored retainer which is again, beautiful.

                                         

 (flipper)

While coming out of anesthesia from my surgery last week, I told the nurse that I was really embarrassed that they all would think we were white trash because Jory forgot his tooth- but I was really happy he was wearing his Bingham High t-shirt because that made him look really good. 

Thank goodness for that t-shirt. We most definitely don't want to be white trash.

baby

I'm writing this because I feel that I need to. For myself. Through everything that I (we) have been experiencing, feeling and living these past few weeks, it's hard to know how to sort it out. Mentally, physically... do you just move on? Is that okay? For yourself? Is that proper grieving? Are you supposed to grieve? Is it that big of a deal? 

Yes, it did feel like that big of deal. But, people are going through worse things than this- when do you stop the pitty party and pull your self together. Because, life is moving on, it just keeps going, and you don't want to be that one, stuck behind, sulking when you shouldn't be there anymore. So I decided if I write about it, really dip myself into it for one last time, then I can move forward. As I think about moving forward, it scares me, I don't want to do it too soon. 

Pregnant. We got to see the positive on the pregnancy test. It was totally how I had pictured it, what I had dreamed about my whole entire life. Feeling lightheaded and like I was going to throw up, holding Jory's hand while waiting for the results- opening our eyes on 1-2-3 and seeing "PREGNANT"- It was so great, I wanted to to frame that unsanitary little stick.

I was due in April. 

Doctors appointments scheduled. Calendars dated. I even had weekly emails already coming and letting me know the updates on our little growth. : ) We could not believe how lucky we felt that this was happening to us and that there was no better time for this to happen. 

I started having symptoms. All over the internet tells you to "call your dr immediately" if these things happen... I wasn't too worried, but I did what was advised, called and left a message.  With in minutes got a call back saying I needed to go to the hospital immediately to get my HCG levels tested. 

Really? Already? But I went and gave my blood, then went back a day and a half later for another test. With anxiety almost taking over my body I waited with Jory for the call to see what was going on. We didn't know what to think, trying to prepare ourselves for the worst, hope for the absolute best- reading forums of women who experienced my exact symptoms who were having beautiful healthy babies.

The phone call suggested more needles, blood samples, ultrasounds and progesterone. Nothing conclusive yet. We needed to wait and see.

At this point what was getting me through was a caring positive husband, a mom on the other end of the phone every minute I needed her and a sister in law laying with me in the ultrasound room. It's amazing what people can do for you. Terrified to hear any negative results, we knew we would be okay because of all the people in our lives. People are amazing and make healing so much easier.

The painful ultrasounds didn't show too much and the bleeding got heavier and heavier along with the pain. I was experiencing cramping and pressure in areas that weren't normal. But maybe they were? 

So when do you decide when it's okay to go the emergency room. It was 3 am on Thursday (Friday). I hadn't slept. Anxiety attacks, no pain medication and lots of bleeding. All I could find my self consentrating on was internet forums on ecoptic pregancies. I had every single symptom. Besides that big last number 10 that states your body is going into shock. So of course I was panicking. And on top of it all, I just wanted to have a healthy pregnancy. I didn't want to loose the short lived happiness that came with this one.

Treatments. Treatments were of course the next articles that seemed to consume my every thought from the internet. Methotrexate. See with a ectopic pregnancy- you can't save the baby. It starts growing most commonly in your fallopian tube- an area where it cannot grow for long, because of room (probably other reasons as well)- and the harm it causes to the mother. So, a common treatment, is getting injected with this medication that slowly and painfully kills the growth. You have to pass it, you bleed, you're in pain. On top of it all you have to go in every 48 hours- and opposite from the first few hopeful weeks of your pregnancy while you hope and wish and pray that your HCG numbers will rise- those numbers fall, and you keep getting meds until they fall... all the way, to zero.  I can't think of anything more depressing. I was terrified, and I wanted to fast forward the next few weeks and not experience them.

But I feel like I am lucky. Because when you go to the ER at 3:00 am. No ones there. You get taken back to a room immediately and given anti nausea meds and morphine instantly. They comfort your husband because he's not doing well. And they make you comfortable. You've stopped shaking and you can sleep for a while. They do more tests and confirm ectopic.

They tell you that your tube has most likely ruptured and they're going to take you in for surgery. And the doctors are so sweet you start feeling at peace, even though the thought of surgery is terrifying to you because you've never even had stitches before. Your surgeon demands an OR and kicks the plastic surgeons schedule back, just for you, because this all hard and she wants to make it better for you.

I feel blessed because I woke up in recovery with my best friends Mom Shawna standing above me, my nurse. I feel blessed because they saved my tube and that instantly waking up from surgery I felt relief. I wasn't in pain.

I'm grateful that I feel loved. I have a kitchen table covered in flowers. I have meals stuffed in my fridge and freezer that I didn't make. I have laundry done that I didn't do. I have voicemails, texts and messages from people telling me how much they love me.

We were pregnant, and it was so great for a little while. But I guess it's not our time, and that's okay. We'll be waiting patiently.

pearl

 So did you hear? We added another bunny to our rabbitry. Yes I'm calling it a rabbitry. Jory doesn't like that though. Because lets face it, breeding rabbits is kind of weird.

Her name is Pearl and notice the blue eyes not red... Supposedly she's rare-er than other rabbits. So we're feeling pretty good about ourselves, having a rare bunny and all.

 This is what happens when you and your love work all day everyday and have no children. You start investing in bunnies and living through their children.

It's pretty great though.

too much work

Okay really I haven't been working too much.  A lot. But not too much. I've actually had a few days off lately which is so wonderful.

Yesterday morning Jory woke up early to go wake boarding with one of his friends- and if you don't know me and my sleeping habits... when i'm sleeping. I'm sleeping. and I'll try to get up.. but it just takes me awhile. I'll be disoriented and not understand whats going on for maybe 3 minutes and then I'll be fine. 

Jory likes to ask me questions when I'm in this volunerable state and I answer with things like "3 hot dogs" -  "how many calories??" and "150 dollars". When of course those answers never apply to the question.

So... back to Jory waking up early, exhausted, like a good wife I was trying to make sure he didn't forget anything important, and it made perfect sense to tell him..

"don't forget your insurance card!!"

So, yeah, maybe that does mean i'm working too much.

peroxide

We got to go to Bear Lake with Jory's family this weekend!

The trip consisted of... driving, pretty Idaho fields, four wheeling, chatty children, floating on the lake and thinking that you could probably die floating on that lake and be okay... Getting up close and personal with cows and smashing over there pies and it splattering all over your tires. 

Raspberry shakes that were way too big and yes we waited in line for over a half hour for them. 

It had me laying in the back seat- wait, it wasn't a seat, the back area of your car, you know. Where you put your luggage and stuff? Yes. I laid there. In my wet swim suit on top of towels and tubes. But I had a bag of cheetos with me, just me in the back, so it wasn't too bad. Not really going to think about that image though for too long. Ha! 

It was super fun and made me and Jory think about moving to Montpieler for a minute. Never thought I'd ever say that! 

Any way. We did really well on packing for this trip. Almost remembered everything that we needed, you know how that never happens. So, what we DID forget, was my contact solution- case, glasses, everything. 

Which, guilty. Yes, I am one of those who forgets to take out there contacts when she sleeps. I'll just admit it. So I wasn't too worried about it. 

Until Saturday morning when my contacts felt like they were vacuumed to my eyebawls. Groggily, I rolled out of bed and went to a  bathroom in the house where I remembered seeing someones contact solution and contacts.

So, rationally thinking of course, I decided to steal a drop of contact solution so I could get some sort of moisture to my withering away eyes. 

The smart thing to do would probably have been to ask if I could borrow that solution, maybe ask if it was contact solution? But. No, I just squirted that bottle with the RED cap in my eye... (finding out later that red means DO NOT PUT IN EYES). 

Before I knew it. Completely freaking out, I was splashing water into my eye as fast I could because- an intense burning pain consumed my eye and that left quarter of my face. My eye was instantly cherry red. And I was left thinking what. an. idiot. I was. With tears streaming down my face I scrambled to read what the crap I had just put in my eye... 

hydrogen peroxide cleaner. 

perfect. 

So for that first couple minutes I was thinking, okay, we're going to have to take me to emergency room because I'll be blind from using cleaner in my eye, when I could have just read that stupid bottle, asked Jorys sister if I could have borrowed some eye drops?

I didn't tell anyone for a day I was too embarrassed.

Oh.. I guess I learned from that experience. : )

boys boys boys

Just kidding. My title was supposed to be toys toys toys. But boys sounded good. I love boys! I hope I have lots and lots of baby boys. ANYway.

Jory had an idea and decided if he was a good boy and saved his pennies from window washing he'd buy himself a four wheeler. (since the day I knew Jor- if he was surfing the web, he wasn't on facebook. He's on ksl, looking at boats, four wheelers and trucks.  Never with the intention of actually purchasing {thank goodness} but it's "out" or something and he loves it.) 

That being said... don't worry we have helmets. Come four wheeling with us!

Why go with bareminerals when you have foundation from the earth...

SO DIRTY!

the cast

the reel?

is...

needing

some help

full

Sometimes I get so focused on the terrible awful things that happen around us that I seem to go through life not recognizing all the great things. There's nothing personally really terrible awful in my life at all right now-my life is pretty perfect honestly. It's just all the sad things you hear about, those things on the news that make your heart twist and turn and feel like crying for those poor people. (yes, I am always an emotional mess)

It's been on my mind a lot and for moments when I think about it, it brings me down, makes me paus sulk a little in the sadness for these people.

 But something neat has happened lately, with almost every terrible thing I hear about, something sweet and powerful and good comes from it. 

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I like seeing these hints of comfort in these situations. I'm left overwhelmed sometimes at how life is so good to us. Most of the time you over look though it- I feel like I do.

Speaking of over looking things... Me and Jor are avid netflix and hulu participators. If it's 9:30 pm and you're wondering what we're doing?  Most likely we're smushed on the couch, gummy bears and ice water in hands while BOTH and I mean both, of us have tears streaming down our faces while watching the biggest loser. Seriously? Seriously. Guilty pleasures. 

Any way- the other night, it was just us, and we decided to forgo the traditional ep and gummies. We ate dinner in the grass outside next to our baby buns, played cards all night refusing to go to bed if one of us was the loser- because we were both planning on dominating the other. What I'm trying to say is that this night was so much more memorable than any other netflix night... We had so much fun, laughed and really loved being together. Little things like that make me realize how much time I waste focused on things that don't really do anything for me and make me over look some really, really good stuff.

So that was blab for the day- : )